girl crushes.

Girl crushes are totally different from the ones I have on men…sometimes there all it takes is a certain physical attraction but I think girls are generally tougher on each other and go for women who have qualities they aspire to or like about themselves. Just a theory.

1. Mia Kirshner

Best known as playing the troubled aspiring writer (hmmm…) on The L Word, Mia Kirshner is a total knockout. I remember being blown away by her monologue divvying her body out into organs and parts. I was devastated when she cut her hair but she pulled off the boyish pixie cut nonetheless.

2. Lady Gaga

Needs no explanation. She’s just fucking hot. I am in complete awe of her.

3. Evan Rachel Wood

Anyone who can captivate the attention of Marilyn Manson can captivate mine. I love her in Across the Universe and of course the movie Thirteen, but have been watching other films featuring her (including Down in the Valley across Edward Norton…great film). She’s poised, talented, and incredibly gorgeous.

4. Zooey Deschanel

Zooey is quirky, but that’s what we love about her. From her hit 500 Days of Summer to lesser known films like Flakes and All The Real Girls, Zooey rules. Her music (folk duo She & Him) is really good, too. (Note: I am not a Katy Perry fan. These two get compared all the time and Katy is definitely not my style.)

5. Kirsten Dunst

I have loved KD forever. I remember her from the Jumanji days and reading a spread about her in Seventeen when I was probably only thirteen. She pretty much always looks the same, cherubic, dimpled, adorable. I make it a point to watch as many of her movies as possible. The Virgin Suicides is amazing, but Elizabethtown is by far my favorite Kirsten flick.

6. Sienna Miller

Oh, Sienna. She has unquestionable street style, but what is so intriguing about Sienna is her versatility. She can do a pin-up look one minute and then be boho chic the next. As someone who hates being pigeonholed into style stereotypes myself, Sienna is a great example of being adaptable with her look. Favorite Sienna performance? As Edie Sedgwick in Factory Girl, followed closely by her role in Alfie (across from ex-flame Jude Law).

7. [The Late] Brittany Murphy

I’ve been a BM fan since she was Clueless (remember Tai?). She always did well at playing the troubled girl, which is sadly ironic considering her tragic early departure from this world. Brittany was not a classic beauty, but she was gorgeous in her own right. Her best roles? Girl, Interrupted, Spun and The Dead Girl.

relationships are assignments

I am always, always inspired by Gabrielle Bernstein, I consider her my teacher and guru and follow her weekly vlogs as well as her lectures. One of her teachings is from A Course in Miracles, and that is that every relationship is an assignment. Over the past few months I have been going through some admittedly funky stuff with my most recent ex. This is a welcome reminder to ask for an ~ing-tervention…every encounter is a holy encounter and brings up the opportunity for a miracle.

Gabby is focusing a lot on relationships this month, which contains the loaded holiday of Valentine’s Day. For me there is no better opportunity than now than to address the most important relationship I will ever have – the one I have with myself. I’m continuing to share the love and spread the word as much as possible. ❤

unsent.

January, 2011.

There is no perfect answer, or moment. The sun is setting on this. Orange to pink to lavender to indigo to navy. Then only black. (Goodbye.) The thought of you still grinds into me at every opportunity. It incessantly nags me, haunts me. You are a shadow I cannot escape. For you, I am long gone, I am out of sight out of mind. I am a pretty thing, a doll easily put on the shelf for another convenient moment. Access as needed: I am always there.

I am remembering our first summer, ice cream cones, holding your beautiful face in my hands, tracing the outline of your tattoo with my finger first thing in the morning. I am moved by your touch and your scent. I wanted to get lost in you. But it was never enough to make you mine. Sweetheart, I don’t want to say goodbye. I have cried so many tears for you, and pushed from within myself with everything I have. Can I ever twist myself to the pretzel shape that would satisfy you, to maintain a level of muted and complacent perfection? I don’t want dramatics. You were all I wanted and I held my breath for you…but it was still never enough to make you mine.

I want someone to fill the hollows of my own loneliness. Can someone respond in the way I need? Not only hold my hand, but also my heart, so delicate, stubbornly pumping with precious blood, keep it intact, taking the best care. He will simply say, “Shh. It’s okay. Everything will be okay.” Stroke my superficial worries away with a gilded touch. I’m purring in your arms again; the monster tamed.

There are little souvenirs of you everywhere. My world is filled with the trappings of our long disaster. I think of all the painful moments, when I should have said something else and just let you walk away or stay angry all night, let you do that thing and gone on doing mine. The bitterness bubbles up in me predictably. I remember sitting on a log with you at the lake, watching the first of your tears. All I want is to go back to that moment, fix everything, love you properly.

I am sending you love and light, always. I am hoping that on some level, you can feel it. I am touching you. But you don’t turn around. You ignore me. So I walk away.