I love a nice beard more than I love most things. Always have, always will. It is probably my most favorite feature on a man. Oh, God. The bigger and bushier the better, a lot of times. Although these days, I’ll settle for what I can get. There’s a beard for almost every style. That beards are in right now works in my favor. I don’t get girls/women who like the clean-shaven military-style look. Beards are hot, historically speaking. Jesus had a beard. Abraham Lincoln. Aragorn. Let it Be-era Paul McCartney. I’m pretty sure Shakespeare had one. Lots of one-name basis dudes rocked major facial hair. Artists. Poets. Leaders. I Googled “beard porn” the other day. I’m disgusting. But I’m okay with it, as long as you are.
There are maybe three to five men in the entire world who look good and maybe even better clean-shaven. Hayden Christensen for example, should probably never grow a beard. He’s too damn pretty. Chace Crawford looks boyishly adorable when he’s only slightly scruffy. The prettier the boy the weirder a beard looks. I’ve examined my beard-lust scientifically and I hypothesize this: I’m super girly, therefore I have high levels of estrogen (oh do I!) – therefore, I seek a male counterpart with equally high levels of testosterone. Beard = manly and manly = testosterone. The juxtaposition of smooth soft girl skin and coarse man hair works out so well. It’s really the most flawless equation ever.
I love the pride that men take in their beards when they grow them “just for themselves.” What do women have that even rivals that? Take bubble baths? (Yes.) Now I’ve convinced a boyfriend or two to ditch the razor for a week, maybe two. The response they get in return makes it well worth their while, believe me. I’m always really perturbed when guys seem to honestly think that women want them to be smooth and hairless head to toe. No, lads, that’s womankind that’s been dealt the miserable hand of full-body hair removal. You go on, be hairy. The hairier the better. I’ll make myself a pillow on your chest hair and stroke your beard until I’m lulled softly to sleep. Thank you.