Once I heard that your spiritual growth is like a class. Only if you keep failing the class, you keep repeating it over and over again until you pass. LETTING GO is what I’m doomed to repeat, it seems. Over and over. I fought to hold on to someone for years who I should have released immediately. Sometimes I’m certain we should never have been together, at least not as long as we were. It was damaged and hideous at the end. Life is such a balancing act. We fight to hold on to the people and things that matter to us, and we also fight to let them go. “Never letting go” is a painful and constrictive promise. The wise would know when to fight harder, and when to let go.
Recent times have presented me with another circumstance in which my heart is being pulled. It wants to hold on. It wants to make this person important. It wants to plant roses at his feet. On the contrary, this other man seems mired in his own pain/madness/sorrow/shackles. Far too much so to see me standing at the other end with my arms and heart wide open. And even though he said he didn’t want to disappear…that’s precisely what he did. My awakened self, the Spirit Junkie inside me says – be cool. Be okay that this is not part of the Universe’s plan right now for you. Marvel that you have the capacity to admire and care for someone that much. And then let him go.
Letting go is powerful. Liberating. Divine. If you can get there.
“You probably think, in general, you could have done more. It was never about your doing more, it was always about trusting that it was out of your hands.”
— From Blue Jelly by Debby Bull
If he’s stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go.
This isn’t the first time I’ve written about something like this. And it definitely won’t be the last. But it’s important for me to do. Every time I practice this I get a little stronger. A little better. A little closer to really, truly letting go.