forever a girl’s girl

Girls can so easily hate on other girls. Competition, jealousy, whatever. We hear it all the time, with things like “I’m one of the guys; they make better friends” or “girls are full of drama.” While that stuff can absolutely come up, I’m a firm believer in the power of female friendship. I live and breathe through and with my girlfriends. It has been my observation and experiential discovery that men simply do not make the best friends for me. As Samantha Jones candidly put it: “Women are for friendship, men are for fucking.” Although that is obviously an overgeneralization, I think at the core, she’s pretty much right.

I’ve tried [really hard] to be platonic friends with men at so many different stages of my life – mostly with ex-boyfriends or former flames, or the “friend-zoned” guy who always wanted more than I did. I don’t mean to be conceited, but it actually kind of sucks when guys in any of the aforementioned categories are attracted to me and let my looks (which I personally consider to be average at best) distract them from my less obvious qualities. It’s damn hard to be close friends with exes for all the obvious reasons. Suffice it to say, it always feels like there’s a conflict of interests. And all too often, when a dude figures out that he’s not going to get it in with me, he abrubtly stops talking to me. Well, fine.

The fact is, I’m a girl’s girl. I always have been, and I always will be. Never a tomboy, never one to watch the game. I am unapologetically feminine and vulnerable (but strong as fuck, don’t let it fool you) so I guess it makes sense that I relate better to other females. A guy friend isn’t going to relate to you the same way as a female friend. Men and women have such different ideas of what constitutes friendship — there have been countless studies on the subject. Men like “side to side” friendships. Think shooting hoops, watching the game, playing music. Women like – and need – “face to face” friendships. Big bottles of wine, sappy movies from the 80s and early 90s (Dirty Dancing and Mermaids please), cheesecake, and lots and lots of talking. About everything, anything.  I read this book over the summer and found the notion interesting. Everyone’s always on about how your husband should be your best friend – sounds great, right? But in this woman’s search for a bestie in her new city, it’s clear that husband and girlfriend fill very different emotional needs. You cannot ask your significant other to be your best friend, at least not in the sense that your girlfriend is. It’s too much pressure, and ultimately, he’s bound to fail.

I also learned via my teacher and guru Gabrielle Bernstein about the “special relationship.” I learned through her and a study of A Course in Miracles about the importance of making one’s romantic relationships more brotherly, and brotherly relationships more romantic. It’s basically like – not putting your boyfriend (or girlfriend, or husband, or wife) on a pedestal and placing them at a significantly elevated level of importance to your other important relationships. We’ve seen the symptoms of this coming through as codependence, fear, and jealousy. I try to focus on finding romance and love in ALL of my relationships, not just my primary romantic relationship. (Not to diminish the importance of those relationships; it’s more about balance.)

So yes.  I adore my close girlfriends – would do anything for them. Maybe it’s my typical Leo loyalty, or just the way I am. But when you’re in, you’re in. There are so many different types of friendships – sometimes we need momma bear for nurturing, our partying friend for a night out, or the friend who’s known you the longest for when you really need to cry. Sometimes friendships adapt and grow with you; sometimes they grow apart. People move away and have babies, and priorities shift with these changes. What I do know is this – I will continue to celebrate and cultivate my fiery female friendships. Someday (God willing) when I’m old and wrinkly, I’ll have a couple of them by my side still, and we can reminisce, knowing that were the true loves of each others’ lives.

This is what makes us girls
We don’t look for heaven and we put love first
Don’t you know we’d die for it? It’s a curse
Don’t cry about it, don’t cry about it
This is what makes us girls
We don’t stick together ’cause we put love first
Don’t cry about him, don’t cry about him
It’s all gonna happen

a game of tag

I was tagged by my lovely friend Manda – and while I normally don’t post things like this, it’ll be fun to see who actually does it. Pretty much, you say 10 things about yourself that aren’t readily obvious from reading your blog, then tag 10 other bloggers you want to know more about. Ready, and go.

1. I’m not a picky eater in the slightest, but I can’t stand eating things in their “original” form. Birds don’t really bother me (like a whole chicken or turkey – although I’m not a big fan of wings or gnawing meat off bones in general, but I will do it if I have to) but I don’t like lobster, whole fish on plates, and especially not pig roasts. It seems so barbaric to me and I want nothing to do with it.

2. I’m obsessed with Lord of the Rings. I’m pretty sure I’ve never blogged about it, but I love Tolkien and discovered the movies when I was about 18, and fell in love. My male cat is named Frodo. He has a similar temperament to hobbit Frodo – and he loves adventures, and we live in New Hampshire, after all. I’m looking forward to fall/winter and stormy, moody weather for LOTR marathons and (if I’m lucky) lots of cuddling.

3. I can’t throw (or catch) a frisbee. At least not very well. Manda and Kat know about the guy who dumped me for this very reason. I shall never forget it.

4. If you’ve been to my apartment (especially my bathroom) it becomes quickly evident that I’m a makeup and beauty product hoarder. Along that vein, I absolutely love Ingrid’s beauty channel and vlog channel. I know it may be a little juvenile, especially because I’m 27 and I clearly know how to make cute outfits and do my own makeup, but watching Ingrid always makes me happy and I think she’s a wonderful role model for young girls nowadays. Same goes for Kandee Johnson. She’s like a bubbly ray of sunshine in my day and her good vibes always come out on camera. And you know what, I like Zoella a lot too. Maybe it’s her accent. I personally don’t have the time/energy/money to expend on making and editing videos (it’s a LOT of work, I tried once) and I don’t envy the negative comments that get flown their way, but I do really admire what they do. Ingrid is my have though, she’s a little doll!

5. I love Hello Kitty. Not in an obsessive way, but if you pay attention, you’ll see her hiding out in certain places in my apartment.

6. I was a Girl Scout for many years. I don’t remember that much about it, except I sold cookies and the meetings were where I learned that Cheetos and Twinkies existed, because my mom was so strictly against junk food.

7. I’ve hiked 14 of the 4,000 foot peaks in the New Hampshire White Mountains. It’s been awhile but I hiked all the time growing up. (Again, mom influence!)

8. I’ve never been to the West Coast. I want to so badly! It seems so unreasonable that I’m as old as I am and I’ve never been to California. But, the opportunity to travel there (or really anywhere) hasn’t come up yet. I’m starting to think I need to create my own opportunities for such adventures…

9. Of all the old school Hollywood starlets, I think my favorite is Grace Kelly. I love Audrey and Marilyn too, don’t get me wrong – a lot – but Grace was impeccably elegant and impossibly gorgeous.

10. I secretly collect flamingo things – preferably vintage. With my love of pink and girly things that’s existed since forever, it’s no big surprise that they’re my favorite bird.

And I’m tagging some pals: Looking at the Bucket a Quarter Full (Lia), voornamste, Phoebe’s Fab FixCanned Beer Classy, Advanced Apathy and maybe more soon, because it’s harder than you’d think! And if I didn’t tag you, by all means do it up!

in the absence of sleep


“No two skins with the same texture, and never the same light, temperature, shadows, never the same gesture; for a lover, when he is aroused by true love, can run the gamut of centuries of love lore. What a range, what changes of age, what variations of maturity and innocence, perversity and art…”

– From Delta of Venus by Anais Nin – who I’m just now discovering; devouring.


-Isobel Thrilling

Bleary eyed
and sleepy still
I unwrapped you
of the morning
like careful fruit
with forbidden flesh
made sweeter by the scorning

My hands still shaky
from kisses sweet
and the dark hours
of night’s embrace
I checked to see
if fastened vines
my heart had left
in silv’ry trace

While you slept
I looked inside your chest
to see what was there
was growing
I saw my heart
with quiet eyes
was gently sewing (x2)

-Jewel

You are the trip I did not take, you are the pearls I could not buy,
you are my blue Italian lake, you are my piece of foreign sky.

You are my Honolulu moon, you are the book I did not write,
you are my heart’s unuttered tune, you are a candle in my night.

– from “To My Child” by Anne Campbell

Somebody That I Used To Know (cover)

Maybe this is just because I’ve been having an Ingrid and Luke marathon this weekend (normally could care less about “famous” YouTubers but she was the first “beauty guru” I started following) – but they do so well with this song and they’re such an adorable couple. I can’t help but smile watching them. 🙂

Luke – http://youtube.com/Luke
Ingrid – http://youtube.com/Missglamorazzi and http://youtube.com/TheGridMonster

wait, for now.

Wait, for now.
Distrust everything, if you have to.
But trust the hours. Haven’t they
carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become lovely again.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again,
their memories are what give them
the need for other hands. And the desolation
of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness
carved out of such tiny beings as we are
asks to be filled; the need
for the new love is faithfulness to the old.

Wait.
Don’t go too early.
You’re tired. But everyone’s tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a while and listen.
Music of hair,
Music of pain,
music of looms weaving all our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
most of all to hear,
the flute of your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.

by Galway Kinnell.

I read somewhere once that this poem was inspired by one of Kinnell’s students who was contemplating suicide. There are certain poems and words that I always go back to, that I have imprinted in my mind. This poem does so much for me.

“The need for new love is faithfulness to the old.” Beautiful. It makes me think of losing a long time love – a spouse, a partner of many years – and having the courage to love again. Nothing that I can personally relate to, but I think of my lovely 87 year-old grandmother, whose first husband passed away when I was only 6 years old. She began dating in her sixties (can you imagine!) and met a wonderful man she’s been with for at least fifteen years now. While we know it’s never the same, it’s comforting to see that love is always possible, no matter what.

“Trust the hours.” Together, three favorite words.