Girls can so easily hate on other girls. Competition, jealousy, whatever. We hear it all the time, with things like “I’m one of the guys; they make better friends” or “girls are full of drama.” While that stuff can absolutely come up, I’m a firm believer in the power of female friendship. I live and breathe through and with my girlfriends. It has been my observation and experiential discovery that men simply do not make the best friends for me. As Samantha Jones candidly put it: “Women are for friendship, men are for fucking.” Although that is obviously an overgeneralization, I think at the core, she’s pretty much right.
I’ve tried [really hard] to be platonic friends with men at so many different stages of my life – mostly with ex-boyfriends or former flames, or the “friend-zoned” guy who always wanted more than I did. I don’t mean to be conceited, but it actually kind of sucks when guys in any of the aforementioned categories are attracted to me and let my looks (which I personally consider to be average at best) distract them from my less obvious qualities. It’s damn hard to be close friends with exes for all the obvious reasons. Suffice it to say, it always feels like there’s a conflict of interests. And all too often, when a dude figures out that he’s not going to get it in with me, he abrubtly stops talking to me. Well, fine.
The fact is, I’m a girl’s girl. I always have been, and I always will be. Never a tomboy, never one to watch the game. I am unapologetically feminine and vulnerable (but strong as fuck, don’t let it fool you) so I guess it makes sense that I relate better to other females. A guy friend isn’t going to relate to you the same way as a female friend. Men and women have such different ideas of what constitutes friendship — there have been countless studies on the subject. Men like “side to side” friendships. Think shooting hoops, watching the game, playing music. Women like – and need – “face to face” friendships. Big bottles of wine, sappy movies from the 80s and early 90s (Dirty Dancing and Mermaids please), cheesecake, and lots and lots of talking. About everything, anything. I read this book over the summer and found the notion interesting. Everyone’s always on about how your husband should be your best friend – sounds great, right? But in this woman’s search for a bestie in her new city, it’s clear that husband and girlfriend fill very different emotional needs. You cannot ask your significant other to be your best friend, at least not in the sense that your girlfriend is. It’s too much pressure, and ultimately, he’s bound to fail.
I also learned via my teacher and guru Gabrielle Bernstein about the “special relationship.” I learned through her and a study of A Course in Miracles about the importance of making one’s romantic relationships more brotherly, and brotherly relationships more romantic. It’s basically like – not putting your boyfriend (or girlfriend, or husband, or wife) on a pedestal and placing them at a significantly elevated level of importance to your other important relationships. We’ve seen the symptoms of this coming through as codependence, fear, and jealousy. I try to focus on finding romance and love in ALL of my relationships, not just my primary romantic relationship. (Not to diminish the importance of those relationships; it’s more about balance.)
So yes. I adore my close girlfriends – would do anything for them. Maybe it’s my typical Leo loyalty, or just the way I am. But when you’re in, you’re in. There are so many different types of friendships – sometimes we need momma bear for nurturing, our partying friend for a night out, or the friend who’s known you the longest for when you really need to cry. Sometimes friendships adapt and grow with you; sometimes they grow apart. People move away and have babies, and priorities shift with these changes. What I do know is this – I will continue to celebrate and cultivate my fiery female friendships. Someday (God willing) when I’m old and wrinkly, I’ll have a couple of them by my side still, and we can reminisce, knowing that were the true loves of each others’ lives.
This is what makes us girls
We don’t look for heaven and we put love first
Don’t you know we’d die for it? It’s a curse
Don’t cry about it, don’t cry about it
This is what makes us girls
We don’t stick together ’cause we put love first
Don’t cry about him, don’t cry about him
It’s all gonna happen