comparing is toxic behavior


In light of recent events – my boyfriend getting a teaching job and me being extremely bitter/jealous/resentful of his success due to my dead-end job and being at the very beginning of my education – I’ve found myself gravitating towards “positive” blogs. I used to be much more spiritual, much more aligned with love and light, and my intentions were better. I don’t know what happened, but I’ve definitely lost that spark. I hate who I’ve become. I feel completely inadequate and ashamed of my choices and where they’ve lead me. I compare my lack of success to my boyfriend’s success and it eats me alive.

It’s unrealistic, obviously, to expect to be an exact even match with your romantic partner. It is difficult, I’m finding, when you find yourself with a fellow creative person with similar interests, passions and goals. It feels competitive, but it shouldn’t. I’m not sure I want to teach, per se. I just want to have a career that is more tailored to my the things that I love (just like everyone else in the world).

I stumbled across this post by Rosie Hanke, and it really resonated with me, so I thought I would share:

“You don’t need anything more in your life to be someone great….”

Have you ever looked at the lives of people around you and then came back to yourself with a yucky feeling inside questioning why you don’t have what they have or how you could be at such a different place in life than them? *raises hand* I have. It’s part jealousy – part insecurity.

I have looked at my friends’ lives and compared my own life to theirs only seeing the positives in their own and the negatives in mine. I saw how far ahead some of them were in their schooling, in their careers (yes, careers, not just jobs), and life in general. I thought how did I mess everything up so much to end up where I am? ..So far from where I thought I should be and where society said I should be. I was mad at myself and comparing myself to others success only made things worse.

Are you comparing yourself to someone else or someone else’s accomplishments? If so, Stop! When we do things like that we are only hurting ourselves. I came to realize that looking at my life in such a way that could only make me wish I had more to prove of myself was pretty ridiculous. It doesn’t matter where I am in life or what I have accomplished at this point in time- None of those things make me more or less loveable and the same goes for you.

You don’t need anything more in your life to be someone great, or to be more valued, or to have a better looking life— You are already worth so much more than you can imagine. Where you’re at in life does not define your worth.

It can be so easy to fall into a place of self-hate when you compare yourself to others; don’t do that to yourself. When you stop comparing, you open up your world and yourself to a newfound freedom that gives you the magic and the beauty to just be yourself!

Love yourself where you are, for who you are.

Do you ever get stuck in comparing yourself to others? How do you deal with it? Please share in the comments! xo


3 thoughts on “comparing is toxic behavior

  1. I feel the same way sometimes. I am actually suffering an overly self critical moment in the last couple days. I know I’m being ridiculous but it’s hard to watch people younger than me achieve beyond what I have. I think a little bit of jealousy can be a good motivator but you got to keep it in control and focus on your own growth and not competing with what everyone else has. Set your own goals, celebrate your small achievements, and try to find joy in the process of it. That way, when you do succeed, the fruit will be much sweeter.

  2. Thank you for sharing my So Worth Loving post!
    It makes me so sad that you hate who you’ve become. I have also felt completely inadequate and ashamed of myself. I want you to know, the choices you have made and where they have lead you to, do not make you any less of person. You deserve to be loved right where you are, and that love needs to start with yourself. What brought the self-hate into your life? It might be time to have a heart-to-heart talk with yourself.
    I think everyone, to some extent, has fallen into the trap of comparison. For me, acknowledging when I’m comparing my life to someone else’s and really truly taking it upon myself to love who I am and see my worth, are what help to keep comparison at a minimum.

    • Hi Rosie! Thanks so much for taking the time to visit my blog! I wish I could pinpoint what exactly brought the self hate into my life. I don’t know if it was something that happened, or just allowing my “ego” (fearful mind) to run the show. Regardless, I’m actively seeking out things that I want to do that I have always wanted to do that will make me feel more fulfilled on my own. Blogging about my experiences has been cathartic and helpful, too! ❤

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