I can wait.

Words for feeling lost…found via Bryonie Wise.

“I exist as I am, that is enough,
If no other in the world be aware I sit content,
And if each and all be aware I sit content.
One world is aware, and by the far the largest to me, and that is myself,
And whether I come to my own today or in ten thousand or ten million years,
I can cheerfully take it now, or with equal cheerfulness, I can wait.”

~ Walt Whitman

meditation Monday: trust your gut


by Shel Silverstein

“My ego often seeks validation for what my soul already knows.” (unknown)

I’ve always been an advice-asker. I don’t think I realized until very, very recently that I actually need to cut the shit. Relying on the advice/approval/counsel of other people, even those very close to me, needs to stop. It can be about anything and everything. A tattoo, an apartment, plans for the day, what to wear, and often for this single lady – who to date, who not to date, when to text or call him, when not to text or call him, what to say, how to “say it and how to play it.” I’m finding myself paralyzed and stuck. I don’t trust my own opinion. I’m needy, uncertain. And constantly waffling back and forth. Not a good place to be. Deep down somewhere in there, I already know the answer. I know the actions to take. I have gut feelings about everything that matters. People toss around phrases like “trust your gut all the time,” but there is something to it. I need to learn it better.

Ultimately…I need to practice listening to my own inner guidance system. Often when we tune out the voices and opinions of others, we can dial up the volume of our own ~ing, as Gabrielle Bernstein, my teacher would say. And so I leave you with her wisdom, which I started my day with…and ending with this post.

meditation Monday: be your own bestie

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Sometimes someone else says it better than I could. From a post @ The Daily Love by Agapi Stassinopolous.

There are two things that perpetuate a lot of hurt in our lives: judgments and expectations. We expect that people are going to act a certain way. Usually, this looks like we expect people to act in exactly the way we want them to. When people inevitably fail to act the way we want them to or the way we think they should, we experience hurt. This is when we have an opportunity to shift our perspectives. We can realize that people are going to behave and act according to their own rules, and commit to just love and support ourselves regardless. Let’s be our own best friends! If, on some rare occasion, others act in a way that fulfills our expectations, then hurray for us! If they don’t, then so be it. If we give ourselves the latitude to realize that each person we encounter has a whole other movie going on inside of their heads and their own script they are following, we can accept that we have no clue about what their reality is like, what is present and important at that time for them, and not make assumptions about their motives. We are the authors and the stars of our own movie – not anyone else’s.

Beautiful.

fill your spiritual gas tank.

This blog concept came to me from a series of experiences in conjunction with a dream that a “spiritual running buddy” of mine had. I hate pumping gas. I mean, really hate it. Especially in the cold New Hampshire winters. I’m not a morning person so I usually forget that I need gas, and wind up with just enough to get to work. Three weeks IN A ROW I have pulled into the gas station that’s off the highway exit near my house, and just as I pull up to the pump — my “low fuel” light comes on and makes its dinging reminder. But I’m okay, because I’m there. I made it. I can fuel up and go where I need to go now, and I had just enough to get me where I needed to be, when I needed to be there.

My friend’s dream (if I remember correctly) was her driving around on empty and our mutual teacher and guru (Gabrielle Bernstein) somehow appearing with fuel at just the right moment when she was about to run out. The universe provided. I believe that if we are truly connected with spirit, we will get where we need to be. I feel so strongly connected to this message. As I pulled up to the pump today and I heard my car’s “low fuel” chime (I predicted and almost knew it would), I knew this was not a coincidence. This was a lesson that’s meant to be shared and it doesn’t just have to do with gasoline that we put in our cars…

It also has to do with how we fuel ourselves spiritually. Not everyone understands this. Many, many people in this world go from day to day, feeling burned out and depleted, not knowing how to juggle responsibilities and ambitions and families and self-care. It is a constant challenge that I face daily as well. There will constantly be times where we get tripped up, and things don’t go our way. We can very easily begin to feel drained. People say that all the time “man, I’m so drained,” or “I feel like I don’t have anything to give.” I’m there myself a lot – that’s how and why I know that self-care and “filling your spiritual gas tank” is so key to feeling like life is manageable.

So what’s your fuel? It can be ANYTHING. This video blog really inspired me – China riffs on basically the same topic and emphasizes that “if we do not make spiritual fitness a priority, we will go spiritually bankrupt.” True! Like China I love painting my nails to start – taking baths, shaving my legs, burning incense and/or sage, lighting candles, petting my cats, listening to guided meditations and spiritual podcasts and vlogs by other gurus and like-minded spirits. Running, cooking a healthy and delicious meal for myself, good sex, yoga, poetry, long talks with friends, free writing, tea – the list goes on. A combination of these practiced on a daily basis keep my spiritual gas tank full. What fills yours when you feel like you’re running on E?

Love and light,
V

this moment is enough.

It’s Meditation Monday, and today’s topic is “this moment is enough.” One of my favorite concepts, really. It’s so easy to get caught up in the cycle of “when I haves.” By delaying our happiness, we are actually depriving ourselves of being present in the current moment. Detached to both the past and future – only in the present moment can we truly live. I don’t interpret that to mean that every moment has to be deeply profound. (But it easily can be, if you are truly enlightened.) All that means is, it’s enough. It’s not about living this off the charts, “live like you were dying” daredevil mentality. It’s being around for the little stuff, to savor and not merely consume. It doesn’t matter what party you’re going to afterward, or what comes next on your to-do list. What matters is right this minute, whether you’re kissing someone you love or shredding lettuce, putting your kids to bed or taking out the trash.

And as always on Meditation Monday, I will close with words from a beautiful teacher. I believe that lessons are presented to us when we are ready and willing to learn. Today I found wisdom in one of Indian mystic/guru/philosopher Osho’s writings:

“Mind is discontentment, it is never contented. It goes on saying ‘Get this, get that, and I will be contented,’ but by the time you get it, it is again asking for something else. And the game continues for the whole of one’s life from the cradle to the grave. It goes on asking for more.

Each moment is so full of joy, so exquisitely joyful, that even if death comes right now you will not ask for another moment because this moment was enough. There is no question of asking for another world; even for another moment you will not say to death ‘Wait, because I have to finish a few things, because there are a few things which I was doing and they are incomplete. You will say ‘I am ready.’

Contentment means ‘This moment is enough. Right now all that I need is here; all that I have ever needed and will ever need is here.’ And to be in such a state is to know god, is to be god. Then each moment is a dance and a celebration. Then each moment has such infinite depth and so much treasure, that who cares whether tomorrow comes or not? Who bothers?

So much is available — the sun and the birds singing and the flowers and the fragrance — so I say thank you. I had never asked, I never thought that there would be another day but there is. It is just a gift from god, so I say thank you. More than that I don’t know,’ he said, ‘More prayer is not needed.’

Prayer is a thankfulness; in fact a contented being is continuously prayerful. Whether he says anything or not there is always a deep undercurrent of thankfulness. That has to become your life.”

live the questions

I often find myself waiting/searching for answers or trying to manipulate the outcome of a certain situation, obsessing over how things will eventually end up. Life is fickle and uncertain, but that’s part of the joy. We must remind ourselves that in order to fully experience the beauty of life we need to relish the unknown and live our own questions. So today what I’m meditating on, as I often do, is one of my favorite quotes from German poet Marie Rainer Rilke from Letters to a Young Poet.

“…I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

– Marie Rainier Rilke, 1903.

Live your questions.

surrender some more.

The best thing about Mondays? Vlogs from my spiritual teacher, the amazing, luminous Gabrielle Bernstein. This week she returned from a trip to Brazil to see her guru, and came back and opened yet another new vein of wisdom for me. I always feel so energized and inspired whenever I take the time to connect to her, and take the time to meditate and delve deeper into my spiritual self. Best five minutes you can spend – promise!

“When you’re ready for that shift, and you fully surrender, all the guidance that you need to receive that change will show up for you.” Another new acronym that we learned – WAIT: “Why am I talking?” Be quiet, talk less, listen more, not only to others but to your inner voice. I think being humble is a great message to spread – and start putting into practice today.

Love & light – V.