meditation Monday: trust your gut

by Shel Silverstein

“My ego often seeks validation for what my soul already knows.” (unknown)

I’ve always been an advice-asker. I don’t think I realized until very, very recently that I actually need to cut the shit. Relying on the advice/approval/counsel of other people, even those very close to me, needs to stop. It can be about anything and everything. A tattoo, an apartment, plans for the day, what to wear, and often for this single lady – who to date, who not to date, when to text or call him, when not to text or call him, what to say, how to “say it and how to play it.” I’m finding myself paralyzed and stuck. I don’t trust my own opinion. I’m needy, uncertain. And constantly waffling back and forth. Not a good place to be. Deep down somewhere in there, I already know the answer. I know the actions to take. I have gut feelings about everything that matters. People toss around phrases like “trust your gut all the time,” but there is something to it. I need to learn it better.

Ultimately…I need to practice listening to my own inner guidance system. Often when we tune out the voices and opinions of others, we can dial up the volume of our own ~ing, as Gabrielle Bernstein, my teacher would say. And so I leave you with her wisdom, which I started my day with…and ending with this post.

lessons in letting go

Once I heard that your spiritual growth is like a class. Only if you keep failing the class, you keep repeating it over and over again until you pass. LETTING GO is what I’m doomed to repeat, it seems. Over and over. I fought to hold on to someone for years who I should have released immediately. Sometimes I’m certain we should never have been together, at least not as long as we were. It was damaged and hideous at the end. Life is such a balancing act. We fight to hold on to the people and things that matter to us, and we also fight to let them go. “Never letting go” is a painful and constrictive promise. The wise would know when to fight harder, and when to let go.

Recent times have presented me with another circumstance in which my heart is being pulled. It wants to hold on. It wants to make this person important. It wants to plant roses at his feet. On the contrary, this other man seems mired in his own pain/madness/sorrow/shackles. Far too much so to see me standing at the other end with my arms and heart wide open. And even though he said he didn’t want to disappear…that’s precisely what he did. My awakened self, the Spirit Junkie inside me says – be cool. Be okay that this is not part of the Universe’s plan right now for you. Marvel that you have the capacity to admire and care for someone that much. And then let him go.

Letting go is powerful. Liberating. Divine. If you can get there. 

“You probably think, in general, you could have done more. It was never about your doing more, it was always about trusting that it was out of your hands.”
— From Blue Jelly by Debby Bull

If he’s stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go.

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about something like this. And it definitely won’t be the last. But it’s important for me to do. Every time I practice this I get a little stronger. A little better. A little closer to really, truly letting go.

fill your spiritual gas tank.

This blog concept came to me from a series of experiences in conjunction with a dream that a “spiritual running buddy” of mine had. I hate pumping gas. I mean, really hate it. Especially in the cold New Hampshire winters. I’m not a morning person so I usually forget that I need gas, and wind up with just enough to get to work. Three weeks IN A ROW I have pulled into the gas station that’s off the highway exit near my house, and just as I pull up to the pump — my “low fuel” light comes on and makes its dinging reminder. But I’m okay, because I’m there. I made it. I can fuel up and go where I need to go now, and I had just enough to get me where I needed to be, when I needed to be there.

My friend’s dream (if I remember correctly) was her driving around on empty and our mutual teacher and guru (Gabrielle Bernstein) somehow appearing with fuel at just the right moment when she was about to run out. The universe provided. I believe that if we are truly connected with spirit, we will get where we need to be. I feel so strongly connected to this message. As I pulled up to the pump today and I heard my car’s “low fuel” chime (I predicted and almost knew it would), I knew this was not a coincidence. This was a lesson that’s meant to be shared and it doesn’t just have to do with gasoline that we put in our cars…

It also has to do with how we fuel ourselves spiritually. Not everyone understands this. Many, many people in this world go from day to day, feeling burned out and depleted, not knowing how to juggle responsibilities and ambitions and families and self-care. It is a constant challenge that I face daily as well. There will constantly be times where we get tripped up, and things don’t go our way. We can very easily begin to feel drained. People say that all the time “man, I’m so drained,” or “I feel like I don’t have anything to give.” I’m there myself a lot – that’s how and why I know that self-care and “filling your spiritual gas tank” is so key to feeling like life is manageable.

So what’s your fuel? It can be ANYTHING. This video blog really inspired me – China riffs on basically the same topic and emphasizes that “if we do not make spiritual fitness a priority, we will go spiritually bankrupt.” True! Like China I love painting my nails to start – taking baths, shaving my legs, burning incense and/or sage, lighting candles, petting my cats, listening to guided meditations and spiritual podcasts and vlogs by other gurus and like-minded spirits. Running, cooking a healthy and delicious meal for myself, good sex, yoga, poetry, long talks with friends, free writing, tea – the list goes on. A combination of these practiced on a daily basis keep my spiritual gas tank full. What fills yours when you feel like you’re running on E?

Love and light,
V